


The Darkest Night Never Felt So Bright With You By My Side

by ktan



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Ashton Irwin-centric, Cashton, Depression, Fluff, I imagined them as 2014 5sos, My First Fanfic, References to Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, can be read as platonic or romantic, like luke's lip ring and quiff era, please send feedback, sad!Ashton, so i can improve my writing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-09
Updated: 2020-07-09
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:09:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25159774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ktan/pseuds/ktan
Summary: Ashton had struggled with mental health problems and depression in the past and had even gone as far as cutting, but he had stopped a couple years ago due to encouragement from his fans and band. He still had off days where his dark, unwanted, and occasionally suicidal thoughts came back to haunt him, but he had gotten better at keeping them at bay.The last few days, though, were a different story.orAshton has learned how to handle his depression and suicidal thoughts better, but they never go away completely. He had been struggling recently and was near his breaking point when Calum comes by his hotel room and all his walls crumble.
Relationships: Calum Hood & Ashton Irwin, Calum Hood/Ashton Irwin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 42





	The Darkest Night Never Felt So Bright With You By My Side

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my first fanfic I have written and posted. Feedback is always welcomed, as i actively try to improve my writing. Please tell me what you think in the comments!  
> When I wrote this, I was imagining 2013-2015 5sos, or Luke's lip piercing and quiff/Ashton's bandana era, but it can be read as any version of 5sos to date.  
> You can also read this fic as platonic or romantic, the story works either way.  
>  Title is from 5 Seconds of Summer's song 'Outer Space'  
> (and yes there is a Louis Tomlinson 'Walls' reference in the summary)

Ashton rubbed his tired eyes and leaned back from the table in his hotel room where he had been staring at his song lyrics notebook for the last 10 minutes. He clearly wasn’t getting anywhere. He got up and stretched out on the hotel bed, reaching to check his phone. He opened twitter and scrolled through a few comments before sighing and tossing his phone beside him, burying his head in his hands. He’d been trying to distract himself from his thoughts for the last couple of hours, but it clearly wasn’t working. 

Ashton had struggled with mental health problems and depression in the past and had even gone as far as cutting, but he had stopped a couple years ago due to encouragement from his fans and band. He still had off days where his dark, unwanted, and occasionally suicidal thoughts came back to haunt him, but he had gotten better at keeping them at bay.

The last few days, though, were a different story. He hadn’t slept at all last night on the tour bus, thinking and worrying and knit picking his performances. He had dreaded facing his band members in the morning, because he knew they might pick up on his exhaustion and want to know what’s wrong. He’d explained to them before about his past issues and they were very encouraging and comforting, but he’d rather deal with them himself. As the oldest, he had always strived to take care of the others and stay strong for them, so he didn't want them seeing him like this. Thankfully they had a day off in between shows, so it had been easier to avoid the others in his hotel room than in the tour bus they shared.

Just then he heard a knock on his door. Ashton glanced at the clock. It was around 2:30 pm. Probably not room service then. Hopefully they would go away soon, because he really didn't feel like putting on a mask to appear as happy as he usually felt. He’d gotten quite good at pretending back when he was cutting, and doing it now made him feel wrong.

As he got up, he mentally prepared himself before opening the door, leaning against the wall beside the door frame. 

There stood Calum. Ashton mentally cursed but tried to not to show how much he wanted to be left alone. He didn't want to make Calum think he was mad at him, he just wanted to deal with his struggle in private so he wouldn’t drop all of his emotional baggage on anyone.

“Hey Ashton I was wondering if you…” Calum started, but as he took in Ashton’s slouched form and red rimmed eyes, he trailed off.  
“Hey, what’s wrong?” Calum asked gently. Ashton sighed and closed his eyes, resting his forehead on the doorframe.  
“I just… I’m…” Ashton tried, hesitant to say anything. He gave up and slouched against the door frame even more, his inner struggle clear in the distress and exhaustion in his expression.  
Calum hated seeing Ashton in so much pain. He knew about Ashton’s past experiences and how he still had off days, but he normally covered it up so well it was barely noticeable. Today it was clear that he was overwhelmed. He had noticed the bags under his eyes the last couple of days and was sure he hadn't had more than a couple hours of rest last night, if he had slept at all.  
Calum stepped forward and took Ashton into his arms, holding him as Ashton buried his head in Calum’s shoulder. He closed the door with his foot, keeping a tight hold on Ashton as he slowly guided them to the hotel bed in the next room. He leaned down to speak next to Ashton’s ear.

“How about we lie down?” He asked softly. Ashton nodded into his shoulder. Calum slowly lowered himself onto the bed, keeping Ashton right beside him. Once they had stretched out, Calum wrapped his arms around Ashton’s torso and pulled him close so they were pressed against each other, their legs intertwined. Ashton clung to Calum and nestled his head into the base of Calum’s neck above his collarbones. He slowly relaxed into Calum’s warm embrace.  
“Try to sleep now, okay? I’ll stay here with you.” Calum whispered into Ashton’s hair. Ashton nodded, nuzzling Calum’s throat. As Ashton’s breaths slowed and deepened, Calum held him tight.

Calum was glad he had come by. Ashton was so often quiet in his suffering, no matter how bad it got, whether it be physical or mental. Ashton always stayed strong for Michael, Luke, and Calum, and he hated burdening other people with his problems. He always took care of the rest of the band, but people rarely cared for him in the way he treated the other boys; or rather, he wouldn’t let anyone care for him like that. 

He knew that if Ashton had broken down that quickly, he obviously was in a worse state of mind that Calum had ever witnessed. He was glad he was there to comfort him and be there for him. He figured Michael and Luke would come look for them eventually, but for now he would stay here with Ashton, who needed Calum now as much as Calum usually needed him. He closed his eyes and tucked his chin against Ashton’s head, nestling in among Ashton’s unkempt hair. He kept his grip around Ashton’s waist as he slipped into sleep, his breaths evening and matching with Ashton’s.

\---

Calum was woken a few hours later by Michael and Luke talking in the kitchen of Ashton’s hotel room. He yawned before looking down to check on Ashton. He was resting peacefully, all signs of worry and stress gone from his face, getting the sleep he desperately needed. He was tucked against Calum, wrapped in his warm embrace. Calum was considering getting up or staying to cuddle when Ashton stirred, seemingly awakened by the conversation going on in the kitchen as Calum had been. He blinked open his eyes slowly before stretching. Calum loosened his hold on him to allow more room. Ashton looked back at Calum, gratitude and relief shimmering in his hazel eyes.  
“Thank you for staying with me.” He said softly, vulnerably. “Of course, anytime.” Calum answered quietly. “Do you feel a little bit better?” Calum asked as he ran his hand from Ashton’s waist to his shoulder and back down to his hip, inspecting him. He still looked pretty tired, but he didn’t look as miserable anymore, with his familiar glint back in his eye.  
“Yeah, thanks to you. Thank you, Calum. Really.” and Calum could tell that he meant it.  
They both got up and went to see Michael and Luke, who had ordered pizza and came to share it with them, even though it was only around 5:30 pm. Michael and Luke both sensed something had happened, but didn’t ask Ashton or Calum about it. They figured they would tell them if they wanted too but wouldn’t pressure them about it. Calum stuck near Ashton’s side the rest of the night, and his presence reassured the older boy. 

The 4 boys ended up in Luke’s room watching a movie on the TV, all cuddling piled up on Luke’s bed. Ashton was snuggled with Calum on his right and Luke on his left with Michael somehow laying across Luke and Ashton, his head in Luke’s lap. They were all drowsy and had started to nod off. Ashton looked around at his band and sighed contentedly. He snuggled up against Calum as Luke settled down on his shoulder. He was so lucky to have all three of them. He couldn’t imagine his life without them.


End file.
